Happy Autumnal Equinox. Change is coming whether we like it or not. Do you like change?
I am going through many changes myself and I feel uncomfortable with some of the changes. I am trying to let go of a need to control things and allow the universe to unfold as She wills. But often, I feel that decisions I make have a direct influence on Her will. Sometimes we are faced with decisions we have to make. Often, this is the case. What do I have for breakfast? Coffee and more coffee or yogurt and fruit. Simple choices such as these have a direct effect on our health. Little by little they stack up, like tiny rocks placed on each other.
Healthy choices are also essential when it comes to our mental health. If I had it my way, I would just sit, be silent and refuse to make a choice. Now that I am a mother, the choices I make have a direct influence in the life of my child. I am aware of this on such an intense level that I often have anxiety over it. I have never been one to love making decisions. Honestly, I hate them. I freak out over what salad dressing to choose. I make the waitress list them all and usually go with ranch (I must admit I love the milky creamy ranch that is a bit watery. Do you know what I am talking about?)
If you have had the pleasure of eating with me in a restaurant, I often anguish over making a choice. Should I choose something different? Should I choose what I always order? What if I don’t like it? Will it be wasted money? When I do go out to a restaurant, more often than not, it is Thai food. There is one dish I am always happy with: Drunken Noodles. I get the Tom Kha soup before my entrée and water as a beverage. I hardly ever stray from this decision. I have taken chances and ordered something new, but I often wish for my comfort choice, as I love love love Drunken Noodles.
Am I getting old and stuck in my ways? Yes, I am getting older and am becoming more conservative in my choices. I tend to make safety decisions and when I do take a risk, I weigh the consequences that will effect my family.
Perhaps I am not as conservative as I think I am. I am still a free spirit and go with the flow a lot. But I struggle with change, like most people. I have gone through many changes in the last decade–marriage, death of a parent (dad), major illness and health decline of a parent (mom), birth of a child, Master’s degree, career change (from teacher to Teaching Artist and Writer), moving to a new state and across the country (from Wyoming to North Carolina), and many other ones. Though these changes did not happen overnight, they happened nonetheless.
I guess I am welcoming fall for the changes in nature that lie ahead, but moreover, I welcome the changes that are going to happen in my personal life. I am not sure what these changes are, but I know change happens.
I look to the future with a positive attitude and rely on my support system of family, friends, and health (mind, body, spirit).
I remember hearing a quote when I was teaching about how when you struggle with a new concept and feel overwhelmed and confused, you are about to turn the corner onto discovery and understanding.
Each choice we make has a ripple effect. Like rocks placed on top of each other, they all stack up to create a whole.