My Mom Update – Light and Shadow

This photo above is from my wedding.  There is my handsome husband who makes me feel beautiful.

My mom is still alive.  Thank Goddess Moon and stars and Heaven above.

Light: She is alive.  I am able to hear her voice and tell her I love her.  She is lucid.  I think the urinary tract infection really tore her up.  My sister and I both swear up and down, she would’ve died had we not made the decision to send her to the emergency room the night I flew into town.  I am glad she is better now and has her faculties stable.

Shadow: I really put a lot of energy into thinking I had to say goodbye to her (forever).  My heart sank to the bottom of the ocean, several times.  It was draining.

More light:  My mother is alive.

Shadow:  Death is so permanent.  I learned that when my dad died in 2003.

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Light:  My mother was able to talk to me on the phone the other day and give me support for wanting to wean and stop breastfeeding.  I want my body back.  (What’s left of it, ha ha. :))

I love my mom.  Mothers always have the best intent with their babies, always, sometimes not always always, but basically, always.  They want to comfort their babies.

I am glad I can talk to her on the phone and hear her voice.

There is no other voice in the world that can cause such comfort and disturbance as a mother.  Mothers.

Share a memory of your mother.  Or describe her voice and how it makes you feel in the comments section. (Please ~ if you like to leave comments.  I understand and accept delightfully some of you just stop and browse.  But I am grateful to my commenters.)

I am grateful each time I can hear my mother’s voice.  Grateful God gave her another day to live and breathe.

Light and Shadow – Chapter 2 – Snow Capped Mountain View Along the Interstate

At McDonald’s getting free wi-fi friendly service, the beauty of looking out the window and seeing the Rockies snow capped and shrouded in light.

photo by memomuse

 I’ve settled on Light and Shadows or something like that for the title of my blog entries for my time out here visiting my mother and getting through the process of saying goodbye to her…I just need a better name than the previous morbid title (Death Diaries). I will be posting to my blog regularly, probably more than once a day. I should start twittering.

In fact, on the plane I almost got in fist fight with this bitch who claimed my feet were in the space she paid for under my chair. She was like, “I want to stretch out and your feet are in the way.”

“Well, then they are in my space.”  I said.

“Can you move them?” she said.

“No, my feet are on the ground at a ninety degree angle from my seat,” I say.

“I paid for this space and I want to stretch my legs out,” she says in her husky voice.

“Well, if you don’t move them I could punch you in the back of the head,” I hear her say to me directly, chuckling at her seat neighbors.

Then she flags down the flight attendant and tells on me and the Southwest flight attendant is literally checking under my chair. 

That’s when I turned around and maybe said, “Stop being such a bitch.”

Anyway, a nice man I sat next to held my hand and said, “Be nice.” I rose above. He helped me rise. Then a dude had a seizure on the plane. So that is the news so far of my trip. You’ll have to tune in to the blog to get the other details.

photo by memomuse

Needless to say, I am missing Ben and Rich more than ever. I feel like am amputee victim. Anyway…

I have decided to write through this because I just don’t know any other way. And since I like attention – I will be posting a lot of stuff live. (This is where you are supposed to flood by email inbox in Facebook and my blog comment section with your love and witty words.) Almost like a journal.  I mostly post essays that I craft and edit carefully to my blog, but for this week, I will just be blogging so to speak.  Hope you can tune in and give me some support. 

 Even if we went to junior high together and that is how we are Facebook friends or you a long lost college buddy, please feel free to send out some love.  And those closest to me, please reach out, I need you. I’m in country music country and those country songs get me cryin’ every time.  George Strait got me driving through Denver. 

People don’t get through tough times without their community…and Facebook is one of my supportive communities, as is my blog.  So…thanks for reading.  I have made a promise to try to find a light to cast on the dark shadows so it won’t just be dark dark sad sad stuff.  There is beauty in everything.

Photo by Angela Mellor

So I leave you with a photo a friend took of me Friday while we were listening to Old Time Music in Fountain, NC and my light for the day:

Light 1: The nice man on the plane I sat next to said, “That’s nice you’ll be able to say goodbye to your mom.  You don’t get notice on that most of the time.”

Light 2: The way the sunlight is hitting the Rocky Mountains is beautiful.  The sun is shining on the snow capped mountains.

photo by memomuse

Light 3:  I don’t need a GPS while I am out West because I have my trusty mountains to let me know where West is.

Light 4: I am back to my land.  I love wide open spaces.

Light 5:  My best friend, Heidi Hargraves is in labor (still) and I will hold her new born baby.