Snow Angels


An angel found me today.

Angel

Angel

It took me awhile to piece together the meaning. I am a meaning maker.  I use this term from Daniel Pink’s, A Whole New Mind. If you have not read that book, I highly recommend it.

Back to meaning making. I had a snow day today — the third one in a row (I live in North Carolina and it rarely snows). It was splendid — the snow day that is and the snow. I just love snow. I grew up with snow (Chicago) and then we moved to Wyoming when I was fifteen. So I know snow.

"Snow Haiku" Bird looking for seeds Snow beauty, calm layers now Green chair aligned: tree

“Snow Haiku”
Bird looking for seeds
Snow beauty, calm layers now
Green chair aligned: tree

And I know sledding. Oh how I know sledding.  I was on the hunt for a sled on Wednesday. I went to three major stores in town (Wal-mart, Farm & Ranch, and Dunham’s Sports) and no dice. They weren’t sold-out; they didn’t stock them — at all. It snowed throughout the night on Tuesday.  Wednesday morning I awoke to a blanket of fresh white snow. I love how snow makes everything look so pure, so new, so fresh.

"Creature Print Heart Haiku" Some think Valentine's Day Is not a holiday. I I think it is because... (end of haiku) creatures make prints in the snow can you see the heart?

“Creature Print Heart Haiku”
Some think Valentine’s Day
Is not a holiday. I
think it is because…
(end of haiku)
creatures make prints in the snow
can you see the heart?

I read posts on Facebook Wednesday morning about Snow Cream. I capitalize it because apparently it is a proper noun — it is a specific thing. This Chicago native and Wyoming transplant that has lived long enough in Wyoming to be considered a native, has never heard of Snow Cream.

Recipe here.

Anyway, back to snow, back to sledding, back to meaning making.

My son and I started our third snow day with hot oatmeal.  I made Jordan Marsh blueberry muffins. My son melted my heart when he said, “Here you go my lady,” as he handed me blueberries to eat. It was so unexpected and so three and half-year old pure.  We put the muffins in the 375 degree oven. The oven heated up the kitchen and I drank that first awesome cup of coffee.  Ben watched Octonauts and yelled at me for mixing his syrup in his oatmeal.

As I was making the muffins, I realized I forgot to put in the baking powder to the first batch, already in the oven. Oops. I did not freak out. It was an honest mistake.  I rarely bake.  But it is in my blood and bones as my grandmother was a gourmet chef and ran a famous bakery in Evanston, Illinois.   I quickly fixed my mistake for the second batch. I noticed my batter was a little lumpy. Didn’t care. No need for perfection with muffins. Ben helped me put blueberries into the batter. He piled fifteen into one tin. I picked out a few and sprinkled over the other five. The house smelled delicious. I felt wonderful. These moments are so rare now that I am working.  Ben usually wants to be with his dad on weekends. Dad is the popular parent right now. Rightly so. Rich can talk in Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s voice and Major Mongram’s.

The house was quiet except for the two of us, alone in the house. I noticed how the sun streams into the front hallway at 9 am casting a beautiful shadow of the porch pillars.  I miss these little details. I thought about what I am doing at 9 am each day at school.

We made bird feeders with peanut butter, seeds, and pine cones.

"Bird Feeder Haiku" We made these today We made the red ribboned ones Christmas Eve. Mom died (end of haiku) She died on Christmas Eve 2012. Ben and I hung the red ribboned ones 12/24/13. One year anniversary.

“Bird Feeder Haiku”
We made these today
We made the red ribboned ones
Christmas Eve. Mom died
(end of haiku)
She died on Christmas Eve 2012. Ben and I hung the red ribboned ones 12/24/13. One year anniversary.

The day stretched into mid morning. Ben and I bundled up in triple layers of pants, double layers of socks, hiking boots that take forever to lace up, hats, double cloth gloves (two pairs), mufflers, and Carhart coats. I was so stiff from warmth I could barely walk. We hung the bird feeders — one on each Dogwood in our front yard, three total. The snow was so white. I hung the ornament I made but never finished. It is an angel. I made salt dough ornaments on Christmas Eve 2012. I was making them in my in-laws garage when my mother went to the hospital.

"Angel Tree Haiku" I think of my mom when I make bird feeders: love is why I get up (end of haiku) and make oatmeal for my son, just like my mom did for me. My mom taught me how to make bird feeders with pine cones and peanut butter.

“Angel Tree Haiku”
I think of my mom
when I make bird feeders: love
is why I get up
(end of haiku)
and make oatmeal for my son, just like my mom did for me. My mom taught me how to make bird feeders with pine cones and peanut butter.

After we hung the bird feeders, I pulled Ben around in a laundry basket attached to a bungee cord. We fell into the snow and laughed from our bellies. I looked up at the blue sky, startled at it beauty — startled at its calm. Through the buds still tight of the Dogwood, I realized this moment could not be caught on film, nor on camera. It just was. It was magic.

I suddenly thought we have not made snow angels. We tumbled into the snow and swished our arms back and forth. I moved Ben’s feet and arms. He didn’t know how to do it. We made angels of our own.

Snow captured beauty.

I never knew my  heart could flutter so wild, pure with love for this boy

I never knew my
heart could flutter so wild, pure
with love for this boy

Part II coming later… (about the sledding adventure).

No promises. Just story.

Back to angels, back to meaning making. We found sleds at Wilson Hardware. It is an old school mom and pop store downtown Wilson, NC.  So charming too. They carry lunch boxes. Old school lunch boxes.

"Lunch Box Haiku" I had a Pac-man  lunch box. I still love that game. I play it  a lot.

“Lunch Box Haiku”
I had a Pac-man
lunch box. I still love that game.
I play it a lot.

That is where I found the angel. She has fiber-optic wings. She is on my Valentine’s Day mantle now. It used to be the Christmas mantle. It is a shrine.  My mother’s box of ashes used to sit there, last year, right at this time last year.

Now my angel is there, next to photos of my mom and me. Next to photos of my grandma. Next to knickknacks and cards that depict and breath love. My angel is within me. I carry her with me. I carry her heart.

"Mantle Muse Haiku" I am so lucky to have loved so deeply, Mom Thank you. I love you.

“Mantle Muse Haiku”
I am so lucky
to have loved so deeply, Mom
Thank you. I love you.

"Wings Haiku" Wings allow us to  fly and be free from sorrow They don't always work (end of haiku) nut they open when we need them to

“Wings Haiku”
Wings allow us to
fly and be free from sorrow
They don’t always work
(end of haiku)
nut they open when we need them to

Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Beautiful.


Be Bold. Be Brave. Be Beautiful.

This is an old building (photo above) in a small town in Eastern North Carolina. I tend to look up when I am walking and I notice details like this on buildings. I get a little sad seeing beautiful old buildings left to rot. I love architecture too. I think about the stone mason and designer who created this ornate letter B. I think about the people who entered the building when the downtown was bustling and the place to be. Now it seems strip malls are where all the action is. I have never once stopped to take a photo of a building in a strip mall.

I live in a historic house so I tend to gravitate to all things vintage and antique.

Here’s an update on things going on in my life:

Be Bold.

I am getting ready to bring my mother’s ashes to Arlington National Cemetery to be reunited with my father who was inurned in 2004. He died in December of 2003, but it took a long time for his service to be scheduled.  I was not able to make it to his service. so this is the first time I will see his ashes in the  Columbarium. I am so proud of him.

This is going to be a very powerful experience for my family. I started a FundRazr page for my nephew so he could attend the service. I think it is important for him to be part of this ceremony. He was very close with his grandparents.  They were a big part of his life.

In a way, I envy my nephew because he was able to get to know them and grow up with them present in his life. I am sad that my son will never know his grandparents (my parents). My son (3 years old) did get to meet his Grandma Betty when he was 6 months old. My father passed away long before my son was born. But I am lucky and my son is lucky that my husband’s parents live in the same town as we do and are a big part of my son’s life.

Read this post for more details about the Fundraiser for my nephew as well learning more about my mom and dad and my dad’s service in the Korean War. He was a member of the Frozen Chosin at Inchon.

Be Brave.

I am preparing for the most intense emotional experience of my life. My mother’s funeral, where she will be inurned and reunited with my father’s ashes. It is a bit strange to think a box of ashes is anything more than that, but of course, it is symbolic.  I know my father was waiting for my mother and they are together now. 

My mom and dad at Mount Rushmore

My mom and dad at Mount Rushmore

My dad wrote this in my journal. He was a lefty. I love his curved handwriting.

My dad wrote this in my journal. He was a lefty. I love his curved handwriting.

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

“Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

Be Beautiful.

I am being open and honest about my journey through the grief of my mother’s death. She passed away on Christmas Eve. Read this post if you are interested in more details. It was rather poetic — her passsing on the phone with me on her favorite night of the year. She loved Christmas Eve.  The grief ebbs and flows.  Peaks and valleys.  The pain is less acute and more obtuse now.

Today I was getting my nails done (for some reason going to my mom’s funeral feels like getting ready for the prom  — I have to have the perfect outfit. I wonder if this is normal. Please chime in if you worried about the outfit you wore to your mom’s funeral) and I was drying my nails under the light thingy.  There was a mother and daughter pair.  The daughter was a teenager and she was very sweet. The mom brought up how rushed the nail salon people were and that they rushed you in and out.  I said I felt like cattle being herded.  I then watched the mom and daughter interact and I wanted my mom so desperately. I wanted her to be alive. I wanted her right there with me.  I had to clamp the tears.  

I have had many moments like that where I almost burst into tears.  It happened when I was trying on black dresses yesterday.  I solicited opinions from the other women who were trying on dresses. There was a woman in the next fitting room and she was looking for a dress for her father-in-law’s funeral.  She said that he loved color so she was going to wear a brightly colored dress to his funeral. 

I settled on wearing this dress after trying on about 50 dresses.

A Dress Fit for Arlington

A Dress Fit for Arlington

I posted this photo on Facebook with the question, “Is this a good dress for my mothers funeral at Arlington?” and solicited social media help. Here are some of the comments my friends posted:

  • “Would she have liked to see you in it?” – Jed
  • “Yes. Add a splash of her favorite color somewhere.” – Britton
  •  “Anything you like, while you’re mourning her loss you are most certainly celebrating her life! You said she loved the flowers in the garden before her passing, give that some thought too!” – TJ
  •  ” Yes:)” – Stephanie
     
  • “Respectable Meggie – looks great. Betty’s proud.” – Liz
  •  “Betty, George Strait, your husband and Garth would all approve! That’s all that counts.  you look great!” – Sean
     
  •  “Yep.” – Renee
    This was my reply to their comments:

“Thanks for the feedback ya’ll. I ended up getting this one. I tried on about 50. I had a nice girl help me with zippers and feedback. Her name was Lateesha. I went up to her and bluntly said, “Look, I have a situation here. I need to find a dress for my mom’s funeral at Arlington Cemetery. I will need you to help me with zippers and solicit your opinion. Can you help me?” She said, “Yes.”

Then it was on. She was a sweetheart. She too was blunt which I appreciated. She asked me, “What happened to your mom?” Then she asked, “You’re not from around here, are you?” I said, “I live here now, but my accent is from Chicago.” Anyway, I bought three dresses because I could not narrow them down and choose just one. I checked out and then called for the manager to specifically compliment Lateesha on her customer service and help. That’s how Betty rolled. My mom was a stickler for customer service. If it was bad, God help you, she would let you know and your boss, and most likely create a scene. If it was good, she would let you know and your boss and create a scene (a good one). I used to get embarrassed by this sometimes (a lot), but one of things I love about my mom is how she didn’t put up with crap (in life, in customer service, in getting what she wanted). And somehow she did it with grace and humor and most people she interacted with always were laughing. Jeez, I need to take this ramble to a blog post or Microsoft Word.” – Megan (memomuse)

Anyway, it is time to wrap this post up as I have to dye my hair. I have been enjoying being a redhead. My mom was a natural redhead.

"A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears." - Anne Roiphe  Betty when she worked as the Activities Director at The King Home -- a retirement community for men in Evanston, Illinois.


My mom, Betty, when she worked as the Activities Director at The King Home — a retirement community for men in Evanston, Illinois.

“A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.” – Anne Roiphe

If you want to make a donation to my nephew’s FundRazr (to help pay for his airline ticket), go to this link. I wanted to share this comment that a woman I have never met, left on the Fundrazr page with her donation. Her comment is so eloquently written about the beauty and power of Arlington National Cemetery.  It made me cry.  It is so beautiful.

“My father just passed away 3-13-13 and he too was a Korean War veteran. He was SCARWAF (Special Category Army Reassigned with Air Force). His inspired me to join the service myself. I hope John enjoys the trip and learns a great deal by visiting Arlington. It is a humbling experience. A lot of his fellow country men and women have sacrificed much for this great nation’s freedoms. Not all laid down their lives during conflict and war, but all did sacrifice by spending time serving their country away from their family and friends. The things you miss holidays, weddings, births, birthdays, graduations, last days with loved ones who pass on, and then funerals; these are all things that veterans miss which leave a hollow place in one’s hearts. John, just pause and look around when you’re there, then smile, because you are part of a great nation where it’s citizens don’t hesitate to protect her; your grandfather included. May your grandparents forever lie in peace together.” – Lorraine, HMC/FMF USN Veteran

If you want to follow us on our journey to Arlington, I will be posting on my blog and other social media channels.

You can find me here at www.memomuse.wordpress.com

Twitter: @memomuse1

Tumblr: memomuse

Instagram: memomuse

Facebook: memomuse and public posts on my personal FB page

mom's notes

This is what my mom wrote in my journal years ago. I love her handwriting. I love her and how she loved me my entire life. And although she is not here with me, I still hear her voice in my heart.

Here is a link to my mother’s obituary. She lived and we will celebrate her life and legacy.

Faith and Freedom. A black and white photo of an American flag with a church steeple in the background

Faith and Freedom. A black and white photo of an American flag with a church steeple in the background

Semper Fi: Help Send My Nephew to Arlington Cemetery for his Grandma’s Funeral


If you can spare $5, I have a FundRazr campaign up here: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/cXcEe.

I am trying to raise money for my nephew to buy an airline ticket from Wyoming to Washington D.C. It is last minute flight arrangements as we recently found out the date of the funeral. And my nephew just was able to get the time off of work.  His boss has been a veteran for 25 years, so that helped.

My Nephew and Me when he was eight years old

My Nephew and Me when he was eight years old

My Nephew and Me at my mom's nursing home August 2012 (the last time I saw her)

My nephew and me at my mom’s nursing home August 2012 (the last time I saw her)

My mom is being inurned with my father at Arlington Cemetery. My father was a member of the Frozen Chosin that served in the Korean War (Marines). My father died in 2003 and his ashes are waiting to be reunited with my mom’s ashes.

My Nephew and My Mom

My nephew and my Mom

“It’s not gonna be easy but I know Betty would cross the world for our funerals. So I’ll cross the United States for her.”
– John, my nephew (regarding making it to his grandma’s funeral at Arlington Cemetery).

My mom died Christmas Eve, but it takes a long time to schedule the date of the funeral at Arlington. I want my nephew to be able to go to the funeral, but we just found out the date and my nephew also just got the time off from work, so it is last minute. Can you spare $5 to help pay for the airline ticket? The funeral is July 1. We are covering hotel and food expenses. I think it is important for my nephew to be able to go to his grandma’s funeral and honor both his grandparents at Arlington Cemetery. They were very close.
Thank you for your help and passing this on.  Here is the link to the FundRazr page: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/cXcEe

Semper Fi

Today is my parents’ anniversary (June 21). I am preparing to reunite them together (at least their ashes) when my mother gets inurned with my father’s ashes at Arlington Cemetery. He was a member of the Frozen Chosin in the Korean War. Help my nephew be a part of this funeral. He has to fly last minute from Wyoming to DC. Thank you for your help and passing this on. 

Semper Fi

My Mom and Dad

My Mom and Dad

I will be posting photos from Arlington Cemetery on my blog, www.memomuse.wordpress.com, if you would like to follow us on this journey.

American Flag

American Flag

Semper Fi

Here are some posts about my mom :

The Red Rose of St. Therese

Magic Mama

Christmas Eve Angel

Build the Castle

Garden Muse: Seeds and Sorrow; Fruits and Joy

The Red Rose of St. Therese

and my dad:

The Dress and the Snake

My Father — My Thoreau

A Tribute to My Father

Photos from my wedding

Photos from my wedding (Top left – my dad and me;; top right – me; bottom left — my husband, me and nephew; bottom right — my mom and me)

Angel Light "Every moment of light and dark is a miracle." - Walt Whitman

Angel Light
“Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.” – Walt Whitman