Since I’m Feeling Pissy, I’ll Post Some Pretty Pictures

I’m feeling pissy.  So I’ll post some pretty pictures.

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Photo not labeled in slideshow are from Terry Bison Ranch in Cheyenne, Wyoming.  The ones with the farm animals and wide open spaces and big sky.  Yep, that’s Wyoming. 

I found out yesterday I have to go back to the drawing board for my thesis.  I don’t totally have to redo it, but I have to reorganize, restructure and also think about it differently.  I guess. 

My thesis advisor told me my Writer’s Notes are where my voice is — where the story is, instead of my essays that focus on capturing the beauty and love of motherhood.  My advisor sees this thesis (the essays and writer’s notes) eventually as a book.  Plus 9 months of pregnancy before that and years of infertility. 

Right now, I just have to get 50 pages ready for my thesis and that means thesis quality.  I had 65 pages of essays for first draft of thesis and 75 pages of Writer’s Notes. 

But how do I pick just fifty pages when I have gone through so much in the last 18 months.  My thesis is on motherhood.   It feels like trying to stuff the ocean in a sandbag.

Pretty picture: (Can’t resist an opportunity for a picture of the ocean!)

Ocean photo by Megan Oteri Copyright 2011

* Writer’s Notes = basically a diary/journal on being a stay at home mom and pretty much raw, honest, unfiltered rants (because who seriously writes in a diary when they are feeling super happy and content, at least I don’t.  I enjoy the feeling of happy and do what happy people do – I do things.)

My thesis advisor told me my Writer’s Notes are where my voice is — where the story is, instead of my essays that focus on capturing the beauty and love of motherhood. 

The thing is, I’m honest, but I’m not sure if I really want to be that honest… ya know…at least on paper that gets bound in a book with my name on it.

Here is a pretty picture:

Kangamangus Highway in New Hampshire photo by Megan Oteri - copyright

Seriously, advisor is telling me that my rants and first draft diary entries are my thesis heart.  I don’t know what to do with this.  It’s like being told you have to make scrambled eggs after working on eggs Benedict. Anyway, I am pissy today. 
A pretty picture:

Magnolia II Photo by Megan Oteri 2011

My husband called me out on it this morning when Momzilla got up and while I was opening a package of bacon (some days you need bacon) and frying it up in a pan.  He said, “You’re just pissy because (advisor) said you have to rework your thesis.”  What preceded that was, “Just tell me you like going to work.  That it’s hard watching a toddler.”
 “Yeah, I just told you that.  I told you he was a monster last night while you were at grad school.”
“Yeah, but tell me, it’s hard.  Tell me you like going to work.  Tell me your job is less stressful.”
He said, “My job is a different kind of stressful.” 
More pretty pictures:

Budding ~ photo by Megan Oteri - Copyright 2010

 The stress of being a mother to a toddler gets to me.  I feel like a freak, even admitting it, even though I know every mother at some point, huddles on the kitchen floor in the fetal position, lost in the insanity of toddler screams.  By the way, as I write this my toddler is trying to mop the kitchen floor.  He is actually pouring an empty vinegar bottle in the blue plastic bucket.  He has the mop and is trying to mop the floor.  Go for it, I say.  Another reason I am pissy is the house is an absolute mess. And I don’t want to clean it.  At all. 

More pretty pictures:

Blue Wheelbarrow Photo by Megan Oteri Copyright 2010     So much depends on a blue wheelbarrow…

 So I will ignore the wet floor in the bathroom where my toddler poured cups of water from his Tasmanian Devil cup onto the floor.  I will ignore the laundry, so badly in need of doing, that there are no clean towels to clean up the wet floor in the bathroom, and I am wearing an outfit I would wear to work as a teacher (although I made the decision to quit my job last year around this time to stay home with my son).   I usually wear yoga pants and the same red sweater.  I have a mom uniform I usually wear too – jeans and the same black long sleeve shirt.

What I can’t ignore is my toddler’s need for food. So we’ll be back.  Maybe I won’t be so damn pissy.

Later in the day and not so pissy…

FYI:  Momzilla didn’t deserve this, but my husband, came home for lunch and I was napping with toddler (feeling sorry for myself and my damn thesis) and husband cleaned the kitchen while I napped extra.  I just laid in bed and felt sorry for myself.  But sometimes you just have to wallow.

 I’ll go back to the thesis and figure out how to scramble those eggs.  On a good note: my thesis advisor is preparing me for the caliber of writing that is needed to get published in the real world.  On a pissy note – my thesis is due before Christmas break.  So there really aren’t enough photos to post to punch through that pissiness.  But here is one final pretty picture, because tomorrow is another day.  And I do have an amazing husband and son.  And a great group of friends and family to help me crack some eggs!

The reality of writing is that IT IS HARD WORK.  And I do it because I love it.  Because I need to.  Because I want to… 

I Want To Run Photo by Megan Oteri 2011

7 thoughts on “Since I’m Feeling Pissy, I’ll Post Some Pretty Pictures

  1. this was very very funny… great post
    art can be torture sometimes it a good thing we love it…

    my husband is screaming at the computer–he accidentally just forgot to save the last three guitar tracks-we are trying to get a CD single out in two days. it’s a love poem, I wrote that we just altered for lyrics-he’s screaming and then trying to sound sincere–while singing a gentle love song

    our dog Heidi is driving us crazy chasing a new nest of baby mice
    love your pictures, and our refrigerater has condiments, celery,peanutbutter, and crystal light and instant coffee

    my period is late

    now I’m going to go TRY to harmonize—TC!


    • Art is torture! That is too funny. I have that fight with technology very often. In fact, I have no idea how to even format my thesis. It has to have special margins and I can’t figure out how to double space it and apparently this is basic stuff. It feels like calculus to me. I hope the magic left brain fairies come and help your husband.
      Celery and peanut butter is a yummy meal! And coffee is really all you need!
      Good luck with your CD.


  2. I loved your blog. It was raw and honest and relatable. Just hang in there. Enjoy the holiday and know if you need me, I’m here to be a friend. Love ya friend 🙂


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