The Baby Naps
When this times arrives I almost don’t know what to do with it. It is so peaceful. He is not kicking at my keyboard while I try to check email and facebook. I usually just give up because it is so frustrating and he just will not resist, even with my pleas –
“I’ll trade you one status update and email for one nap on my shoulder where I don’t try to put you down in your crib.”
“No deal!” he says in kicks and squirms and baby curses. “You’re mine.”
So nap time is such a precious time. I wander through my mind as he falls into the deep oasis of sleep.
What should I do?
Well, actually I plan my get away first. Position the baby so when he does fall deeply asleep, when he is drinking boobie juice in his sweet baby dreams, winking at the girl in the bassinette next to him, I am thinking about how to slide him onto the pillow underneath my arms and lift him quietly and tiptoe to the next room where his crib is.
Or like today when he just wouldn’t give me up. I tried to pull my body pacifier off his mouth and then the silent scream, where he opens his mouth to wail, but nothing comes out. That is the worst because the expectation is a blood curling scream, but all that comes out is tiny whimpers the size of millimeters. Poor sick baby can’t even scream.
I should stay here all day with him while he naps. What are you freaking crazy? You have laundry to do. You have a house that needs to be cleaned. Woman – you need your sanity. Who are you kidding – you are be lining it for the computer room and you are going to write about all the things you have thought about today – remember all those moments of frustration, beauty, patience, lack of patience, calm, storm…what was I going to write about again?
Well, the classical music is playing. If he can’t have his mommy wrapped around him tightly, he can have Chopin and Mozart growing brain cells in his baby brain. Replace emotional nourishment with enlightened culture, right!
I am a selfish bastard. I just want to get away sometimes. Especially during our morning routine. I wake up. Well, actually this morning he woke me up – by scratching my face. It worked. I got out of bed. I had slept in until 9 AM. Heaven forbid. I already have guilt about missing the morning shift of playtime so don’t even roll your *mommental eyes at me. I can see you through the screen ya know!
*mommental – mom judgement from other moms
Can I have an amen from the mommentals on my side! Oh yeah. Take that you judgmental moms out there that just do everything so damn perfectly and sacrifice your soul for your children. I want a little soul for me – memama. Mama of me!
Mommental is my new word for mom judgment that goes on. I think mostly the judgment comes from ourselves. I think all moms out there have compassion for each other. We are in it together.
I was at Wal-mart solo the other day doing last minute Christmas shopping while my beautiful wonderful mother-in-law watched my B Man. I saw a baby and what did I do – yes – you know. I went over and oohed and aahed at it. Daddy was holding the baby all proud.
I asked, “How old is the baby?” and raised my voice all funny and goofy.
He said, “5 weeks.”
I looked at mama, who was pretty young. Well, young to me because I am an old geezer (36). She must have been in her early twenties and that is being generous. She easily could have been 18.
I asked her, “How is mama doing?”
She gave me a dirty look and continued making the bottle.
I wanted to say, “I know your pain. I get it. You are crazy sleep deprived and…”
But I smiled and walked away. I’ve been there. I don’t even remember those people that did exactly what I did. It is just a blur the first 2 months. In fact, the first four months were a blur.
So as 2010 dwindles down to the curb of 2011, I pretend to reflect on 2010. I am just happy I became a mom. Something I wanted for a very long time. Something I endured unsuccessful infertility treatments, a diagnosis and surgical correction of a uterus septum, one so extreme that the doctor said I could be in a medical textbook, a miscarriage, acupuncture, and many tears and heartbreaks. So I guess I am just happy to be a mom. A mom that is by no means perfect, but the mom guilt wants me to be. A mom that is trying her best, and thinking someone else is doing it better than me. A mom that loves nap time so much she wants to make it a national holiday. It is my mini holiday where I am me again. No babe on my arm. No babe in my lap. No babe to entertain. Just mama – just me.
Happy New Year 2011! I am looking forward to more nap times…
memomuse is a new mom and although there are moments of utter craziness being a new mom, she is utterly inflated with pure joy. memomuse writes during her baby’s brief naps. She is pretty interesting, they say. She is looking forward to going out to dinner with her friend tonight because she has been cooped up inside her house all week with a sick baby.