A Room of Her Own


Little B is asleep in the bedroom.  I am here typing in the living room with the baby monitor on.  He is not crying, just making “awake noises.” I am taking some time to do a blog entry.  I am trying to figure out how to organize my creative endeavors.  I want to have a separate blog for everything: one for little B and his beautiful boy love/motherhood stuff; one for my photography and poetry; and one for a future business creative project I have that has to do with journals.

I think I compartmentalize too much.  Is there a drawer for everything or a different dresser for different things??  Anyway,  I do recognize that I am held back by my lack of technology knowledge and this I have to learn more of.  My husband is very technical and has that kind of brain (good at Math and Technology – his job has the term “IT” in it).

I can hear the little B making noises over the baby monitor…no crying yet so I am ok to continue writing.  This post is going to be a split log between baby monitor noise and wanting to get my creative dreams kick started.

Little B went down this afternoon for a nap and I put him in his basinette and took a shower.  I had just soaped up my hair and I heard him crying.  I would have jumped out of the shower a couple of weeks earlier (Little B is 7 weeks old) but I didn’t.  I let him cry until I washed my hair again and rinsed and conditioned and soaped up.  I am getting a thicker skin when it comes to the crying.

Although today I had a meltdown moment where I just had to take a break. I was home all day with Little B.  The heat is so much right now that there is no movement and I need to walk and move around.  Anyway, I had him in his bouncy chair and wanted to check to see who had called me since I couldn’t pick up the phone since I was driving the car. So once inside and Little B in his bouncy chair I decided to look in my purse for it.  Well, he started crying and so I took him out of the bouncy chair and he started wailing hitting the high notes.  I kind of let out a high note of my own and my husband came into the room.  I told my husband I needed a break.

I went to the car where my cell phone was and that is why I couldn’t find it in my purse which I was trying to find while multi-tasking holding a crying baby, which doesn’t work! So I called my friend who was the missed call and she wanted some advice on what to do about a vacation and I needed a friend to vent to.  Needless to say – I vented about how hard motherhood is sometimes and that they don’t tell you how hard…they being the public in general. Behind closed doors at mommy meet up groups, the moms all confess, but for the new moms out there like me – it is somewhat of a secret that gets revealed all too quickly.

I felt better after venting my insecurities about being a bad mom for needing a break from my little love bug.  We all need breaks…I guess that is the first thing that I am willing to toss out the door is when I need a break or when I have a need.  Baby B comes first.  I am finding I have to take a break at least once a week to refresh and restock.  I think I need to start taking breaks everyday just to recharge and they need to be breaks that are not just sleeping or showering because even those are necessities (although sometimes a mom can skip a shower or two or three) they are not breaks.

So I am going to pencil (not pen because we need an erasable pencil which is flexible) in 20 – 30 minutes a day or just me time where I can create.

I am going to move a desk into a newly painted yellow room with great big high ceilings and wonderful natural light to create everyday.  It can be writing, taking a photograph, uploading a photo from the digital camera, anything…but it is solely me time.

"Little B" in a basket in the yellow room where the desk will be

Well see how it goes – I will keep you posted.  And as for the question – is there a drawer for everything or just a dresser for everything to sort – I have no idea…I just know that I got a great pile of shit I haven’t sorted yet and who cares anyway – I am no Martha Stewart when it comes to organizing and that is ok. Just as long as I have a room of my own as Virginia Wolf would agree.



A Room of her Own

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About memomuse

I am an arts educator, writer, poet, photographer, and mama. United Arts Council Artist in the Schools and Writer-in-Residence -- I am available to conduct workshops and residencies: Memoir, Writing, Poetry, Spoken Word, Poetry Slams. Contact me for more information. Also available for freelance writing and photography. I am also working on a historic food memoir: http://evanstoncommmunitykitchen.wordpress.com

3 thoughts on “A Room of Her Own

  1. I loved your blog today. You’re not alone in your mommy trials and tribulations. When I was a nanny for three kids and they were 4, 2 and six months old, I thought I would go nuts. I didn’t even have time to go to the bathroom and many times, I cried all the way home because of the stress. And the bad part was I was only with them eight hours a day and I could leave at the end of the day. Motherhood is a blessing. You derserve refeshing time to be creative and re-charge and that is ok. I look forward to more blogs.
    Christina

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  2. I heard a story once, most likely on NPR, about a woman who had murdered her children. While in prison for her crime, she read the work of the wild and wacky Erma Bombeck and discovered that it was not shameful to be overwhelmed and overloaded as a mother. Here was a woman confessing all to the world and laughing about it.

    Had she known earlier that she was not alone in these feelings of inadequacy, her desperation might not have driven her to such a horrible outcome. Laughter is good medicine.

    I have always modified the old military motto to: “Parenthood, the hardest job you will ever love!”

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  3. hahaha… i’ve got a great pile of shit and who cares anyway… hilarious! i like when you write from your real speaking voice.

    absolutely take those breaks for yourself every single day. there are days when ethan goes down for nap that i just want to throw myself a party and have a margarita. 🙂 so sometimes i settle for sitting on the couch with a beer.

    you’re falling into your motherhood role with grace and personality. fantastic.

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