My baby boy is almost 4 weeks old. He is 25 days old! He already is attached to my heart in a way I have never loved before. The love is different than the love I have for my husband. New and fresh this love binds me to him and also lifts me to a new and unfamiliar place. Dare I say a place of insecurity at times, yes. I have never doubted myself like the way I do as a new mom. “Am I doing this right?” “Am I going to be a good mom?” “Am I being a good mom?” “What will the world be like as I raise this child?” It certainly will not be the childhood setting I had. We could play in our neighborhood after dark and cut in and out of our neighbors backyards because we knew our neighbors. We all played together and explored local forests and parks like pirates on the sea. There was no fear of monsters and bad guys. I really was lucky as a kid to grow up in the time period I did.
I want my child to be able to ride his bicycle during the summer alone or with his friends and feel the summer air in his hair and watch fireflies light up the sky. Unfortantly we no longer live in the 70’s or 80’s and we We don’t live in Wyoming. I think in Wyoming there was a better chance of him being blown off his bicycle than being kidnapped by a stranger! Wyoming is where we moved from. I miss not locking my door at night and being able to leave my keys in the cars without any worry of my car being stolen. Not the case on the East Coast! We live in Eastern North Carolina now.
The little one is about to wake up and you know what that means – feeding time! I am an on-call bosom of breast milk! ha ha
My life will never be the same and honestly I love it this way. A new chamber in my heart has grown the last 9 months and now I can see, breath, smell, and feel the beating of this little wonderful creature I call son.
PS – I am trying to write something every day on my blog about my son and also keep writing about other things as I do call myself a writer and artist. Right now I am all consumed in mommyhood! Please share any feedback as it can be lonely in the house all day with a newborn. I am getting used to this. While I was pregnant with my son I was so busy – working full-time as a teacher, going to grad school at night (two graduate classes per semester), and being pregnant. Now I am home for the summer, not working or going to school.
Today I am proud of myself for doing the dishes, cleaning the nursery, and getting the laundry picked up to be started! Baby steps with my baby Ben!